Task Response Analysis: This essay follows the task requirements quite well. Lots of IELTS candidates do not actually do this, as they are trying to impress the examiner with big posh words and forget to focus on actually giving a point of view and supporting that opinion with good examples and clear thought.
Following the template and organization advice above helps you most in this category. Approximate score for Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.
To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. Many students get stuck at the very beginning, not knowing how to respond to the question in the introduction. Review the following examples: Original sentence: Mary is an excellent teacher, so students always love taking her class.
All the bands are approximate. Lexical Resource Analysis: The use of vocabulary seems quite reasonable but attempts to use a wider range are not always successful see corrections above.
Making these changes will force you to use different sentence patterns and, importantly, more descriptive verbs and adverbs when you write. However, if he feels that his parents will listen carefully and maintain an open attitude, he may let down his guard and welcome their feedback.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy Analysis: Although the essay is quite easy to follow, it has too many grammatical errors in too many sentences to merit a 7 score see corrections highlighted above.